trust

It's been a while since I've written. Not that I haven't had anything to say, I just haven't had the time to type it out. I'm going through another one of those times when I'm overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions, and most of them aren't the greatest.

Fear. Anxiety. Doubt. Frustration. And somewhere in there, between the tiny cracks that knit all these feelings together, is a glimmer of hope. It's not a spark, so I'm not sure if it'll catch or not, but it's there, wishing for the air it needs to grow into a flicker and maybe even a flame.

It centers on trust. I was talking about life and things with my friend Amy yesterday and she reminded me that we cannot place our trust in people. I'm not talking about that I-hope-you-remember-to-do-what-you-said-you'd-do trust. I'm talking about the abiding you'll-never-let-me-down kind. Which can't come from a human. Because we all fail. I fail. You fail. Even the most successful people fail sometimes.

This is hard for me to accept. I want to trust the people in my life, especially those closest to me, but they are always letting me down in some way, shape, or form. So how can I learn to place that trust in God, and still love the people whose trust I was counting on?

I need to learn to let go of control. To test (or train) myself to relax, to rest in the arms of the One who I can always trust to do what He says. This is even harder than accepting the trust thing.

Guess I need to keep praying for the strength to do this. Before I do something I'll regret.