in a rut

I'm stuck.

I'm stuck in this unending pattern of watching and waiting. Only it's not the really holy kind of watching and waiting they tell you will lead to God's perfect will for your life. It's the kind that gets snarled with barbs or doubt and fear. Maybe the waiting is in vain. Maybe there's nothing to watch. Maybe it's the voices in my head telling me to keep waiting or stop waiting or whatever.

Gracious. I'm tired just thinking about it.

But here I am. Watching. And waiting. And hoping like crazy that I won't wake up tomorrow and find out that this was all a gigantic mistake.