disappointment

Recently I’ve been feeling disappointed a lot. I was getting ready to write that someone had disappointed me a lot recently. But can a person really do that? Or am I really doing it to myself? What I mean is, am I disappointing myself because I’m letting this person have control over this emotion? Because when I feel disappointed, it’s not just “Oh, that’s too bad that this person didn’t do fill-in-the-blank.” It’s, “that’s too bad, and I wonder what’s wrong with me, and what should I have done differently.” It’s always my fault.

My friend Amy said over the weekend that she feels responsible for people’s feelings. Like if someone came out to support something she was doing, she would want reassurance that they were having a good time. Their good time would help her to have a better time. I can really identify with that. The source of this disappointment, assuming it’s not me and is the person who triggers it, probably has no idea. But because I want to be sure that person is feeling well, I never tell the person what they’re doing. What sense does that make? It seems like it should be so easy to just get it out there and move on. But it's not.

I’ve been trying to conquer this negative emotion by thinking about the One who can never disappoint. Because right now, if I knew that absolutely NO ONE was incapable of disappointment, it would be hard to go on. In fact, knowing this is probably the only reason I made it out of bed today. The problem: my head knows it, but my heart is still clueless.

So I cling with all my fingernails to this truth, and pray for peace to make it 5 more minutes. Another hour. Another day. I pray tomorrow is better.